SMU TOUCH CARNIVAL
19 MAY 2007
0800HRS
REPUBLIC POLYTECHNIC
Just like any other morning, the dew sodden grass turned drearily with each blade as if yawning in familiar recognition of the rising sun. However normal the morning mist use to greet the familiar grounds, it was this morning, which was unusually accompanied by some quiet bustling and occasional shuffling of activity, which punctuated the otherwise usually peaceful air of a Saturday morning. This morning as it turns out…will be more than any other day…because the boys of SickPax have come to play, eager to show that SickPax pride!!
19th May 2007 – SMU Touch Carnival 2007. One of the many days of importance on 6 Pack’s annual calendar…but still, just another competition to wrap up, another bunch of teams to be sent packing (usually accompanied by broken hearts and shattered egos), another stroke on the wall, and hopefully another batch of medals to add to the trophy cabinet.
Team line-up assessment:
- ADAM (C)
The Captain of “SickPax”, who despite having a slight difficulty of getting the team name spelling right, led a pack of boys with little team playing experience and dynamics to victory. Even wrought with such a grueling task, he still had the energy left in him to scale two huge mountains that very same night. Good on yeh mate!!
- TAMAGOCHI (Japanese guy who sounded like “Tamagochi”)
A highly and expertly trained specialist, hired to deliver a deadly and precise blow to a hard spotted weakness in the opposition. Or a careless mercenary simply hauled in to perform kamikaze stunts at unsuspecting allied tanks. You decide.
- AMILA
A little rusted and a little more sober than an Irish bartender, our Lankan friend still managed to deliver sweet punches on the score sheet.
- EZEKIEL
Relatively new to the team and to a certain extent, the sport, this bloke made off fairly well with his good knowledge and skills, as well as support play. A fine addition to the ranks. Good man!
- J.M.
Another freshman in the SixPack school of touchdowns. Will he persevere to move himself up the hierarchy? Will the new rookie oust Terence who is presently the reigning “hot rod” who had previously ousted David “yesterday’s news” Teo, or will he have to resort to swallowing spunk and be seen in the likes of Gideon “New Urban Male (pui!)” Loh?
- JITWEI
Only recognizable with a cloud of smoke where his head should have been. Still amazingly in shape (Yes…man with round paunch is a shape) even after a long break of mugging or smoking on torn pages from his textbooks. Easy on the stogies you fuckin’ hippie!
- JOSHUA
Possibly a distant cousin of Speedy Gonzales…nuff said.
- KENNY
Decisive on attack, which landed a couple of match winning tries. No movement on the ‘getting burnt’ chart which sets him well…this time.
- KHAIRUL (LALA)
A WONDER from two seasons ago before he had an epiphany and decided contact rugby was still his “thing”…now he WONDERS why he did such a stupid thing. However, still the phenomenal player, a great motivator, listens to the wife (moans later), and better if not being constantly over shadowed by ‘infamous swirling belly’.
- YUMHWA
Claimed that “The Shadow” needed a break….Boooring!!
- CHRIS
An ex-warrior resurrected to fight for the SickPax Juggernaut. However, the summoning message didn’t quite sink in, as the bolts weren’t screwed tight enough, resulting in arms being dismally uncoordinated.
- DERELYN (DIDI)
A threat on attack, hardworking on defense and INVINCIBLE at the gossip table.
13. GIDEON “Call toll-free 1800-HOW-TO-HICK-A-CHICK-1111” LOH
The “Legend” despite being very much over-aged (which still doesn’t seem to deter him from leering at little girls) still made his contributions in ways no other guy in SickPax will ever want to imagine…not even by a long shot! The spectator cum cheerleader of SickPax pranced around in his signature white and blue swimsuit thong, waving and punching his pompoms with celebrated conviction, lip-synching Avril Lavigne’s new hit single “Girlfriend” every time it blared over the sound system. Now that is the kind of enthusiasm and commitment our little friend here is trying to believe in, which it evidently still exists…you go girl!
Intel & surveillance from reconnaissance gathered at 0800hrs:
This carnival of ’07 mainly spotted some real muscle emerging from a couple of “old fames” and current members of the contact rugby community, as well as the usual turn outs from the SP boys and RP boys. SMU 1 & 2, were mainly comprised of some ol’school kickin’ it real, full-contact ruggers, Dan from Wanderers and a few other punters who looked like bona-fide “Please-Burn-Me” or “Burn-My-Ass-Silly” or “I’m-Just-Here-To-Get-Burnt” potentials. “The Dirty Dozen” were quickly identified to be touch players from Kent Ridge Hall of NUS, although Intel could not confirm potency at that time. SickPax surveyed their competition carefully, planned the attack in their heads in their own design, even selectively singling out the weakest links and derived a mental depiction of how best to beat those poor buggers…we’re such bastards I know. And hence the stage was set, and with a legacy and reputation at stake, a good set of arms & legs, “perve” shades, pompoms, funny suit and the works, SixPack...I mean…SickPax, bolted into action which gave way to nothing more than…a bleary start.
ROUND 1 - SICKPAX vs RP WAFFLES
RESULT - DREW
The hooter went off for the first time that morning, which saw the glassy eyed, weed swirling and beer swilling bunch wheeling reluctantly into action. Still half conscious and barely feeling their feet, the first starting 6 had some trouble getting the ball over the line with the ease they formerly possessed. Rucks were uncoordinated and messy, resulting in poor ball retention. Heavy and half hearted runs were in full swing and possibly the worst display of sub-ing ever...perhaps owing to the fact that the concept of a 'rolling substitution' was a completely new, complex, far fetched and profound ideology fit only for the debate amongst white withering professors or a never-before-heard alien concept possibly introduced to earth by accident in connection with an extraterrestrial breach only Area 51 knew to have traveled a gazillion light years from the farthest and deepest reaches of the Great Nebula in the Andromeda Galaxy to be finally blasted onto our planet by some celestial mishap. On the other hand, the RP boys seem to have fairly grasped the basic principles of this “divine” concept of sub-ing, which resulted in every RP player enjoying an equal benefit of playtime. Clearly possessing this mental advantage over SickPax, Terence from RP decided to stump one of the Neanderthals with an algebra question and hitting another senseless with the ol' "whats 1+1?" before sailing in for a try....all too easy. Fortunately, there was still time, and an equalizer was all SickPax needed. Before this revelation had the chance to travel through their immensely thick under evolved cranium...a smarter than your average Neanderthal managed to evolve so quickly beyond belief (similar to that of emerging from the primordial ooze on all fours) and performed the act of sub-ing which was immediately greeted with approving grunts and celebratory chest pounding. Not surprisingly, a try was scored right after the sub-ing was carried out. In a translated interview right after: “Sub-ing requires you to physically replace a team mate on the playing field, and usually with more gas than your opposing number, you are most likely to make past him to score a try…and then you get biggest rock and nice woman”. We will be following his career with much interest...
ROUND 2 - SICKPAX vs SMU 1
RESULT – KICKED ASS!
After settling in just after the first game, SickPax were more lubricated, clear headed and oiled, which brought them up against a seemingly more worthy opponent. SMU 1 boasted some old ringers of ACS rugby, who used to easily dispose of those caught in their path…in the contact arena. Unwavering in the face of adversity, and also in possession of some bragging rights themselves and not forgetting the fact that they were after all in Touch territory, SickPax stood their ground; hands by their sides in a ready position, eyes squinted under the glaring sun averted from each opposition number to the next, lips dry and parched from the heat building up, a negligible murmur from the spectators seemed to have started before coming to a muffled stop almost immediately, a faint buzzing derived from a horsefly just inches above one particularly rotund opposition, a slight breeze rustled past above their heads carrying what could have been befittingly a ball of tumbling weed. The next 15 minutes which ensued, saw SMU 1 attempting to run SickPax ragged through the use of long passes, short gaps and blistering pace on the wing. The SickPax defense was calm and relentless, clearly holding SMU 1 at bay for the first 5 minutes. Turnovers were utilized well with numerous attempts at the usual “USUALs” and “Xs” which were expertly employed catching the opposition well off guard. All appeared to be in perfect order as it should be, and when it felt that nothing in the wildest imagination could possibly penetrate this imperturbable force, a perversion of nature quickly shattered this once stolid state of things. It happened quite fast; one of the speedier opposition caught a member of SickPax flat on his fat belly, gave the second thought a miss and galloped off to mark their first try. No attempt was made to cut off the perpetrator. Nonetheless, it was perhaps the team’s continued composure in attack and sound defense (from that point forward), which restored the damage, to seal the final fate of SMU that day. A series of tries did follow after the atrocity, delivered and presented ceremoniously through the magical and seamless collaboration of those usual suspects from SickPax as if in a defiant reciprocation. In an interview right after: “We were simply returning the favour…we just tend to be a little bit more generous”.
ROUND 3 - SICKPAX vs THE DIRTY DOZEN
RESULT – CRASH, BOOM, BANG!
Hailing from the halls of Kent Ridge residences at NUS, this bunch possibly had a good shot in displacing us with their comparable expertise in Touch. Hence, it was down to a battle of wits and innate skill, which could well deliver us from annihilation. It was time to place the dozen on trial and assess the damage they were capable of. In unleashing our first few waves of attack, the Dozen’s defense policies were rigorously tested without compromise, as we directed strategical blows one after another at their stubborn walls of resilience. Holding this wall together with sheer determination was what appeared to be their captain (the one Intel informs as Laremy), who seem to be the only one who had the slightest inkling of what was going on. Each time having to brave SickPax’s siege of attacks, it always fell upon Laremy to tighten the weak holes in the middle and hold the disarrayed flanks together, which had its rewards on a few crucial occasions. SickPax then deployed one of their many offence tactics, which involved stretching the opposition’s defensive line with lateral movements of the ball, and picking out a tiny fragment of weakness with which to exploit. Alas, the resilient and defiant wall of Laremy could not withstand the collective attacking astuteness and prowess of the other dozen, which only proceeded to finish off the task at hand. The last 5 minutes or so saw the comprehensive defeat of The Great Wall of Laremy as remnants of the already battered wall, which still stood in hopeful optimism, were brought to the ground. In a comment right after: “Do The Dirty Dozen by any chance do mud-wrestling? Getting dirrrty…I laike! Getting a dozen dirrrty…I mucho laike!!”.
ROUND 4 - SICKPAX vs SMU 2
RESULT – TOTAL AND ABSOLUTE OBLIVION!
Another counterpart of the SMU brethren only as feebly menacing as the other, which we blithely sought to dispatch mercilessly. We do not recognise defeat, we do not have room for fear as we only thrive on it and embrace no warmth of emotion nor expose any wrinkle of weakness, as these are none but traits of the feeble flesh and of the subdued. We are an omen to our foes only as ominous as the mere whisper of our legacy. With that in mind, SickPax set out to obliterate SMU 2 on the first whistle to the last with no reprieve offered…we could only promise a quick death. As it turned out, SMU 2 could hardly carry out their plan which involved avenging the loss suffered by SMU 1 earlier, but instead made a mess of things and ended on the dead pile like any other team which crossed our path that day. Having slower and less skilful attributes than SMU 1 under their belt…it seems that their master plan had to be primarily crafted around Dan ‘The Man’ who flourished on slower and less experienced teams, as he would normally unleash scorching runs setting his opposite man ablaze. In an answer to the tool of the grand architecture, SickPax had their own devices to clamp down the raging Ferrari, mostly abiding by a fundamental principle of ‘closing down space’, which renders a prancing horse powerless without the boundless road to gallop. The plan worked without a hitch as the Frenchman was clearly stubbed out. Stopped in his tracks most of the time and denied the room required to muscle out all the horsepower, Dan was merely a Ferrari without the juice. With the evident loss of an attacking vantage, SMU resorted to tipping the scales back in their favour by stringing in another gumball, which had an uncanny resemblance to Aussie scrumhalf legend George “Georgie” Gregan (not to be confused with the other pansy-ass self proclaimed and created “The Legend”), but can be distinguished without the year round tan, a conscious neglect for the need of a playing strip and possessing a tendency to bitch. This was, unfortunately, a gun-to-the-head attempt for a come back, as the Bugatti Veyron they had hoped for turned out to be what might’ve as well been a sporadically spitting, spluttering, hissing Ford Anglia. Commonly termed as a “headless chicken”, Georgie-look-alike replicated his very own version of the term, mostly resembling a scuttling headless raptorial avian, cradling a touch ball as though excited at the fact of having laid an egg, which in it’s preoccupation, failed to register any sensation of a touch affected by Amila in a ‘chicken run’ spectacle. Dumb bird! And in an event no less than expected, SMU 2 was sent packing...without so much of a squawk. In a comment right after: “…obviously somebody has been taking the Gay Rooster joke more seriously than was intended”.
ROUND 5 - SICKPAX vs SP BURNERS
RESULT – GIDEON KISSED ASS WHILE WE KICKED ASS!
A close rivalry-relationship has always existed between the two teams; Khairul, a long time friend and veteran player of SickPax (SixPack) only took up the coaching responsibilities some years ago when SP boys decided to distinguish themselves with a separate identity apart from the more accepted contact version of the sport. Edmund from SP has also been seen in battle with SickPax (SixPack) in the memorable NTL 2006, as well as on a number of other occasions. Only this year, a new batch of recruits have seen themselves donning the colours of the team, making their debut in the STL 2007, and have been drafted nothing less than but from the same pool of talent. Even the common faces of SickPax (SixPack) such as Adam, David and some say The Shadow can claim SP as their alma mater. Always a pleasant and learning struggle, these two teams have different agendas whenever eyes are set on the common prize; Sixpack: To keep the unbroken record of wins against SP. SP Burners: To bide their time before finally beating SixPack and making history. It will be a match to shed some light on some burning questions; Has Khairul been effective in imparting his knowledge in preparing them for the big crunch and will he observe any quarter when his softer side emerges? How about the boys from SixPack playing for their school? Just how much knowledge have they managed to tap from the benefit of training with SixPack over the STL 2007 period? That leaves the defending champions, SixPack. Will they truly hold their ground against a faster and possibly fitter team who has been but train together since the beginning? The answers soon unfurled over the next 15 minutes…
The ***verdict?
And in the short span of 15 minutes, it was 4-2 in favour of SickPax!
- Record remains unbroken with SickPax trouncing their opposition once again.
- Khairul will have to reflect on the loss and rethink a new strategy for the next meeting. In the meantime, he will celebrate with SickPax on the victory and be consoled by his girlfriend.
- The SP boys will need to be more attentive during SixPack practices and apply the knowledge within the context of playing similiar super teams.
- SickPax (SixPack) still reigns as the team with the best-looking fellas.
- SickPax (SixPack) still in possession of bragging rights.
Acknowledgement: To those who made it despite how unreasonably early it was, and to those who made it happen by assembling the team and administrating the registration. To Derelyn who agreed to slug it out at the prospect of playing 3 categories that day, and mainly for just "making up the numbers on the field" as you so put it. To our mascot cum cheerleader cum supporter, Gideon for kicking it real...chic! You probably represent a beacon of hope to some random 10 year old boy who lies about going to rugby practice when he is actually going for knitting classes and reads CLEO with a flashlight under the bed covers. To the fans and spectators, for sticking around and believing in us. To those we have so gracefully and fashionably beaten...SMILE, you've been beaten by the best! To those I forgot to mention...well, you are clearly not of any significance to have been noticed or remembered, so do something already. And lastly to the haters...go f*** yourselves!
Overall it was a fun filled morning till the end, which would still have been the case even if an alternative result were to be the eventual by-product. Win or Loose, we will booze! The objectives we had set out to achieve, such as establishing an understanding with some of the new players as well as reviving the old magic with the old players, which are just as important, and have by and large been fulfilled to some reasonable extent. Basically, stay together, keep evolving and improving and we’ll see each other at the end of the tunnel…immortality, take it, it’s yours!
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