Score: 9-1 (at Full Time)
Dick of the day: Male Menopause IPA no. 21 for his never ending whinging and complaining the whole day long
Player of the day: Naz and Taufik for having to fast and combining to score a lovely try.
1st half
After the exhilaration of winning the mixed finals, the boys were in high spirits and decided to field our best team by opting to start the game by way of ‘natural selection’. This was a process of gradual elimination by which two balls are being tossed concurrently, with the player throwing one ball straight up in the air and receiving the next ball, passing it off and then chucking the air ball to the next person. And by the gradual process of elimination, our “natural selection” was confident that they had the best handling skills in the squad.
Off to a sluggish start from the six pack ‘natural selection’ as Adam made a turn over by over running the mark. After a high adrenaline and lots of girls supporting mixed finals, the boys were lacking motivation due to the lack of eyes on them. Only barely after a minute, the virtues of selecting by means of ‘natural selection’ was completely tossed out of the window as the IPA team did a quick dump, split right- which sucked in 3 guys, and the quick thinking Bucks player made the pass to the unopposed winger to score. 1-0 to Bucks.
‘Hatchet man’ Adam was furious and decided to resort to his little bag of dirty tricks as he made Bucks moved off their tryline by slowing the play down as dummy half which gave us the penalty- you sneaky bugger you. And from a simple dump and split, Alan scored and showed us how truly awful looking he is up close and personal to the camera. In the actual words of one of the recording personnel “that was quite... scary”. Hence to all unsuspecting potential SPGs… be warned by this simple reminder- Beer Goggles. 1-1!
And once the ‘natural selection’ got out, Six pack started to play some proper touch with David bursting through on a two on one situation to make the score at 2-1. Come on, did you really expected David “Sell Fish” Teo to make the pass?
Things are starting to get rowdy now as ‘Keyman’ Yum showed that he was no pushover by shoving away the IPA player who was a head taller than him and point his finger right in his face with his typical “eh don’t F*@K with wo ah! You know I from Chao Yang one k!”
That infuriated the same IPA player (no 12) with Lee low standard of English by resorting to taking out THE smallest player on the team- Jie Lun with a vicious knee to his mid section. Actually thank goodness it was Jie Lun or else it will be anyone else’s groin…. Haha short joke.
Back to some touch and Taufik breaks through as a dummyhalf on the 9th minute for Naz to score showing all those useless slackers how its done, when both of them are fasting! RESPECT!
Score now at 3-1
IPA now trying to slow the game by reverting to their simple tactic of changing this into a contact game by a shoulder charge on Kenny on the 10th minute for him to lose the ball. Btw guys do you know that Kenny is none other than the President of the Republic Poly Rugby team…. Wwwaaaaahhhhhh.
12th minute and off a series of quick dumps, Gideon spots the Bucks defence in disarray and sucks in his defender as a dummy half and releases a perfectly weighted pass for Adam to burst through the half gap to score. 4-1. Well done Gideon!! Good on you mate!! You’re a freaking legend!! Yum Hwa says “Gideon is my hero because he showed me what it was like to recover from an injury and bouncing back into tip top shape, proving actions speaks louder than nonsensical self glorifying blogs…. Sniff sniff I adore you Gideon, you’re my hero!!” To which Gideon aka ‘Touch Legend’ replies “Piss off you gay piece of shit who uses SKII face wash everyday! Stop ogling at me!!”
During the closing moments of the second half, IPA (no 21) proceeds to show the effects of male menopause with his balding head and over aggression by trying to confront David after a touch while plays goes on but ends up getting screamed at by his team mates for losing the plot.
2nd Half
The second half saw a magnificent display of the shooting defence done by the 6 pack boys by limiting IPA to gain only 10 metres after 4 touches and to turnover the ball. Once again Gideon ‘Touch Legend’ Loh, shows that hes not all about the razzle dazzle fanciful skills and handling despite his deceptively small stature, he out jumps a 6 foot tall IPA player to intercept the ball for a try saving intercept, proving once and for all that “short man can indeed jump”.
The game slows to a grinding halt for the next ten minutes where nothing exciting was happening until Tamil tiger own elite chain smoking, bottle downing renegade- Amila, decided to take matters into his own hands and got himself sent off in order to give the IPA a fighting chance and to make the game more exciting. 6 IPA players vs 5 Six pack.
Alas the one man lead was not to be as Jit Wei gets a tug on his shirt and politely request to the Bucks player “Could you watch the shirt/shoulder PLEASE” with a hand held out in friendly gesture. Not satisfied with such impeccable manners, the Bucks players proceed to shove Jit ‘One Shoulder’ Wei and got sent off as a result. As voted the moment of the game, with both captains being called in by the referee, ‘Mad Englishman’ Alan Lowton, decides to take a lovely sunbath by lying down on the ball hence soaking in the fine Singapore weather. Blimey! Good on you mate!
And after being recharged by that break, the Wigan man answers back by receiving a long pass from Kenny and executing a delicate sidestep to make the score 5-1.
David ‘I wish I was Chinese’ Teo almost made the contention for being the dick of the day by attempting to fake an injury by holding his ribs in agony after the positive touch, but of course Wendy the ref was less than convinced. After some horrible acting, he decides to smile for the camera and sprints immediately after that. I reckon he is probably a Man Utd or Chelsea supporter.
And as usual Amila receives the ball and sidesteps the whole Bucks team to offload a floating ball for Naz to score the last video recorded try. 6-1
Due to some technical error, the rest of the match report is unable to be completed but final score line stands at 9 (I think) to SRC Six pack and 1 to Bucks IPA. With the prelimaries finally over, up next would be Bedok Kings in the semi finals en route to the final goal…. Our dream is almost within reach... what will be the final outcome?
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